Yes, I realize that the title of this post is tremendously hackneyed, but it simply fits. In case you are wondering, this post has nothing to do with the lovely Brittany Spears–nor her infamous song.
What I am actually referring to is my inability to say one of the most powerful words in the English language–NO.
Yesterday, I accepted another job offer. For those of you counting, this is on top of the other two jobs I already have. Right now I work 30 hours a week at job #1, 25ish hours at job #2, and job #3 will take anywhere from 15-20 hours per week. Can you tell I have a problem with boundaries and saying no in this area of my life. You see, the problem is that I have no idea what my true professional passion is anymore. I knew that I wanted to go into education after getting my undergraduate degree here:
I decided to further hone my career by becoming a professor after receiving my MA in Literature from here:
And then decided that I had no idea what I wanted to do after getting part of my doctorate here:
Midway through the program, I found myself miserable. The ivory tower of academia seemed to be an acrimonious series of hoops one must jump through. I had completely lost my passion.
Lehigh has allowed my to take a sabbatical, and in the meantime I have been an adjunct literature professor and a nanny. I have literally seen the twinnies go from this:
I love these little girls with all of my heart. But I have struggled with the fact that I am probably the most over-educated nanny on the block. I have enjoyed adjuncting, as it has kept me “in the field” and provided a nice balance–however, the schedule is very irregular and I only teach about 6 months out of the year.
Consequently, when a graduate school asked me to become a writing specialist full-time (with benefits!), I jumped at the offer. The problem is, writing is NOT my passion. I like it, but I prefer literature. I prefer teaching students to love reading.
However, yesterday I received an offer for another adjunct literature professor position at a different university–and I said yes. I want to take it–however, I don’t want to sacrifice my secure full-time job, or my nanny job (because those babies are my heart). The problem is that once Chase returns from his military rotation, he will have the easiest, most available 6 months of the next 15 years. Plus, we will probably be having our own little kiddies in the nearish future, so Chase/Sally Anne time is coming to a close. I don’t want to be working 18 hours a day for the next 6 months and miss this quality time. What the heck am I supposed to do?!
So I am basically going crazy trying to figure out how best to achieve balance. I am so thankful to have these opportunities and I want to be a good steward of both them and my own abilities. Um, this whole “being an adult” thing is positively exhausting!
Earlier this week I gave y’all the cake analogy regarding the things you see on this little bloggy.
Today I felt like I needed to show you some of the other layers of my life (I think this is my orange layer). Don’t worry, I will be back to blogging more “frosting” topics tomorrow; however, if you have any words of wisdom they would be very much appreciated! 🙂