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So many things…

Hello long lost friends,

I have missed you. I have missed blogging. Life kind of swallowed me for a while there and a lot has been happening but I miss writing and I miss my bloggy friends. If anyone is still out there–hello again!

Lately my life is a lot more runner and a little less Paleo, so the name of this blog probably needs to change.  But I’ll get to that eventually.  The biggest thing that has been happening is this:

Chase and I were shocked and excited. We proceeded to buy fun baby books and brainstorm ways to tell our families.

But then yesterday things did not feel right and I went to the doctor and learned that I had miscarried.

It was still early and we had told almost no one which is both a blessing and a curse–how do you tell people this? How do you even find the words?  How do you grieve something that was just starting? Since we hadn’t told many people it has given us the ability to live our daily lives as “normally” as possible, but I don’t really know how to do that because nothing seems normal.  Honestly, I haven’t figured anything out yet but I woke up today and I wanted to write about it. I wanted to put it into words and for some reason the only way I could verbalize it was through a blog post so here you have it. I figured that maybe writing about this experience and sending it out into the cosmic Internet void may help to make it real so that I don’t feel like it is such a secret.  It is hard to mourn a ghost–it is even harder when it is a secret ghost.  No one likes to talk about sad things but sometimes the only way to move past sadness is to sit with it for a while. So that is what I am doing. There has been lots of tissues, tears, and comforting cups of hot tea.

I realize that this is probably the most melancholic return post ever but I wanted to be real and this is the current reality for PaleoRunnerGirl.  I promise future posts will contain more positivity.

xoxo

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